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Jared_DeBrito
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Name: Jared
Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Male
Interests: Competitive Cheer level 5, Gymnastics, Coaching, Music, Dance, Boys(surprise!), Singing, Friends, the beach, whatever...
Expertise: I'll let you decide...
Occupation: Abercrombie/Competitive Cheer
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  XjareddebritoX
Yahoo:  JaredDeBrito
Member Since:
7/31/2003
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| Lately, my head's been spinning in every imaginable way possible. What am I doing with my time? How are my relationships with the people I care for? What kind of person am I becoming, and what kind of decisions am I making?
Strange as it seems, though not likely, those consuming questions no longer seem to be such a clouded blur-- to me at least. It feels like for once in my life, I have both feet on the ground, planted, I'm assured.
Funny-- when the things you unconsciously do or say inadvertently affect yourself, and those you're surround by. No, even better; when those things you act upon, "unconsciously" of course, are brought to your attention, forcing you to become conscious and weary of all you've done. It could be anything, no matter the complexity. Say, for example, there's a brother and a sister. They get along just fine, but on occasion they get into rifts caused by these "unconscious" behaviors. Now Imagine these simple rifts as reoccurring dilemmas, that never really get the respectful resignation which is both desired and deserved. Who would've guessed this was leading towards a loud altercation? Well, it's not so shocking to me anymore.
It's becoming that time. Time for that brother, myself, to make some conscious decisions. I can choose to keep pushing, but why? I want my loved ones to be included in my life. I want to be that person that you can rely on, whether for security of emotion, or other small/large occurrences. I don't want to be this vile guy who grows up only to have himself. And I'm not about to point the finger, or inflict blame. Anyone can do that, but ultimately, my decisions are my own. No one can decide my actions, no one can make me who I am and who I'm becoming. People can help influence me, both negatively and positively-- but in the end, I'm left with the consequences of my own actions, what I've done.
Sometimes, people choose to be asleep, or otherwise ignorant; unwilling to learn, to grow, and explore. Change is so frightening, it almost seems unattainable. Which is why I use the term, "asleep." I don't know how many of us are willing to admit their guilty indulgences in "excessive loafing," or their endless excuses as to why they just haven't done what they've been meaning to, but I for one am not afraid to admit it. I'm a lazy ass. There, I said it. What makes me any different? Well, I'm not afraid to realize my flaws. I will no longer be blinded by reality, which I'm currently staring straight in the eye. I won't be asleep any longer. It's time to wake up, pick up where I've left off last December, and grow. I'm worth it. I am worthy of a second chance. It's time to make a difference, it's time to CHANGE. | | |
| Lately, I've been finding myself hoping that people have more positive intent towards myself n others. But man, it's so hard to believe-- n it sure as hell has been simple for me to trust in people so easily, only to find myself screwed.
It's true-- I trust in people too easily, I just do. And in a happy go-lucky kinda world, I guess that'd be fine, but that isn't the case at all. People don't always really care about you, or what you're going through. They don't always share the same feelings, n they don't always know how to relate, n they don't always want to.
Independence is the name of the game I guess. Yeah, sounds nice-- but when you're supporting yourself for the first time, in large-part, it's really hard not to be dependent of others in some shape or form. Dependent of feeling, thought, and comfort.
I plan on moving in with new friends that I hardly know, in just a few weeks now. I've been busting my ass off trying to make enough money to go down south n have enough money to just live--- let alone make rent n all the other expenses I have to be concerned about like gas. I'm stressed out sooo much-- n it sucks to be down there having to start from scratch.
I don't have any real friends that I can talk to about anything down there. I don't know anyone well enough. I'm not afraid to do things on my own n make the effort to make the friends I want-- It's just-- I wish I knew I had a friend that cares down there-- n that's gonna take time.
I can't wait until College picks up in the fall, and I'm in my dorm. At least with a dorm, people can't get mad, flake on me, or kick me out suddenly. I want the security of knowing I have a place-- instead of keeping on my toes making sure no one wants to kick me out when I'm just trying to make things work with California Allstars. | | |
| Stressed the fuck out...
Okay, so lately I've been learning so many new things from either friends or personal experiences-- just realizing how if I want something done, I'm the only one responsible for making sure that it happens. I'm growing up, and I'm not opposed of it, just new and somewhat scary.
Today, I called the admissions office of San Marcos, and found out I have to wait until June to figure out if I was accepted or not. Okay, that'd be fine if there weren't other deadlines for colleges I KNOW I was accepted into. Kinda sucks not knowing what the hell's going on, I wish I didn't apply so DAMN late (March 21st). If I get accepted I have to hope n pray that there's still dorms .. ugh! I'm upset, 'cause I wanna be on CA Allstars so bad, I've finally got my double full, and I can partner stunt, and I just don't want all of my new skills to be for nothing!
I still need to schedule my EP exams, so I'm about to do that in a little. I need a little black book to keep all my shit together-- maybe I'll start using that calendar of mine on my new lap top...
I was supposed to get my car serviced today, oops, didn't. Snoozed until 1PM-- it was just that kinda day when I woke up. Guess I'll go in tomorrow. Ugh, I was supposed to take my friend Korrie in for her DMV appointment, lame on my part... anyway... I'm outtie.
I need to get some stuff done n then plan what I'm doing with my friends tonight.
---Wish I was in Florida for World's right now--- oops, not. Next year... if I make the team...
Check out my newest skills
Workin' that double full for California Allstars Bullets Tryouts. Check 'em out at CaliforniaAllstars.Com
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| I wish that i was cool as bree. she is soo awesome. I really think that she is just sooo.. coool. | | |
| Lately-- summer's been the constant reminder that I am alone..
I'm the most unsociable person ever-- but the weird thing is-- people look at me and think the opposite. They see a guy who probably has more fun than he should---
I've spent my summer days working two jobs-- most likely to occupy myself-- and shield myself from the harsh reality that I don't have nearly as many friends as I thought I did...
Yeah I get along with everyone and yadda yadda-- but hanging out with people-- I just don't... I never really have.
And it sucks realizing this is my last summer vacation as a high school student--- I'm spending it being a lame ass work-a-holic. I mean-- It's not like I NEED a job. My parents are pretty well-off. The only reason I got a job was to prevent the boredom of sitting at home all day and getting fat...
I don't know what it is lately... but I've been feeling like such a week person. I feel incredibly stupid for admitting it-- but I am. I'm a social retard with a rep that says otherwise...
I wish friendships weren't so hard for me to gain. I've just never got the hang of it... ever.
Speaking of relationships and such-- or lack thereof..
I've been single for over a year now and I'd hardly begin to count my ex as anything-- not to sound rude-- but I was unsure of what I wanted in my type of guy-- guess you could say THAT was a learning experiment...
whatever-- I'm irritated as hell-- and I want to go insane..
Jared<3 | | |
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